You Can Call Me Ruby

I’m unsure of how to start.  I guess I just came here looking for a place to vent to strangers and fill them in on all of the woes of my life without actually having to disclose my identity.  Maybe I’ve been watching too many movies and no one will ever read this and I’ll never post again.  I guess we’ll see.

I guess I should introduce myself.  I suppose my name on here could be Ruby.  I’m 22 years old and I have BPD, I’m bipolar, I have OCD, and anxiety.  Yep, I think that covers it.  I’ve been self harming on and off since I was 12 and I have had an eating disorder since about the same time.  I grew up in a household where I was verbally abused by mother, which in turn caused me to internalize my thoughts (known thanks to my therapist).  My older sister has been doing drugs since I was 10 and that’s always been a stressor in our family dynamic.  My dad died when I was 19 after living for four years with ALS.  I still miss him.

Now to my romantic life, which is a bit of a mess lately.  I’m bisexual.  I have a “boyfriend”, but we’re not really together, but he thinks we are even though I’ve told him we’re not.  He’s always been there for me  (minus the whole abortion thing).  He took me to the hospital after I took too many pills and he always comes over when I call him crying at 2 AM after I’ve cut myself again.  You can call him Damien.  We’ve been together for almost four years now.  I’m also seeing other people.  I’m currently casually seeing this one guy (Paul), but it’s never going to turn into anything.  Sometimes I like that.  I had my heartbroken recently for the first time and it really sucks.  He was basically one of those overly confident assholes who charms over everyone.  I hate that I still miss him even though we were never really together.  You can call him Dick.  It’s not worth mentioning the other people that I’m seeing because who knows if they’ll be in my life for that much longer.

I live in a somewhat large city, but it seems like I continuously see people that I used to go to high school with or run into some random guy that I went on an awkward date with years ago.  I want to get out soon, but it’s always much easier to stay put until things get too uncomfortable.

Well, I guess that’s it for tonight.  Nice to meet all of you.  I guess this helps.



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